"See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land." Song of Solomon 2:11-12
We all have dreams for our lives--thoughts, aspirations, hopes. These things are very real to us, and we start thinking of them as soon as our minds can comprehend this developmentally. Thoughts like, “I want to be a singer when I grow up, I want to marry a man like this...I want a house like this...lots of kids...etc.” We all have this, and we can see some of these things come to pass and some as we all know, do not. Life is made up of a series of choices and circumstances. Things we get to choose, and things we have absolutely no control over. We cannot write in every part of the Story that we want. What we can choose every single time is our response to the Story. By now, you all are aware of my story. Mine started off very well...of course, there have been lots of ups and downs, I have faced loss before early on in life with the death of my oldest sister, I have lost grandparents, I have faced other numerous hard circumstances on a personal level just like everyone else. Overall, I would count myself as being very blessed. A marriage of 12 years, to a faithful, extremely loving & generous man, an amazing father with 3 children. To live a life of love on that level is one of the greatest treasures in life. For me, it is the primary goal, and others are secondary. So, nothing could have prepared me for the circumstances that would shake us up and remove that which is central and foundational to that dream. I could have never prepared myself for losing a husband and the father to my children, and at such a young age. However, I know now, you cannot measure the grace of God, the love of God that can get you through the most unimaginable circumstances if you will allow Him too.
My choice was this---I choose to believe in the goodness of God. I choose to lean not on my own understanding, and in ALL my ways acknowledge Him. This takes surrender like you wouldn’t believe. This takes trust...blind faith...going all in. In my mind there was no other choice. I can either give into pain, anger, darkness, depression...or I can choose to live. He has given me the courage to face these circumstances and say that He is good. If Chris was here right now I know he would say to me, “live!...don’t waste time, keep dreaming, keep loving, keep going into what it is that God has put in your heart.” That would be his heart I know, and my Father’s heart is the same...”I know the plans that I have for you...plans to prosper you...to give you a hope and a future.”
Words like that for me right now are dangerous words. They are not light and airy, fairy tale words. They are an invitation to believe in an extravagant God who knows my every thought, my desires, and what He created me to do and be before the foundation of the world. The same for my children.
I have already seen how He takes the bitter and makes it sweet. My newborn son Benjamin Promise has been a constant reminder of Life. He has been our little bundle of joy, our physical manifestation of the promises of God. He has promised to give us a hope and a future. When Benjamin was born I felt a major transition in my heart and life. His birth brought us out of death, and into life. The winter was over, and spring had come! For someone in my circumstances the promise of a hope and a future takes on an extreme meaning and I maintain that I will see the goodness of God in the land of the living. He has shown us His faithfulness and I know that He will continue to lead us into a bright future of extravagant living.
If you pray for us or think of us, pray with us into our futures. Believe with us for a fresh start-- a new beginning and a life of proclaiming His blessing and seeing the goodness of God in the land of the living.